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Self Contained
Making friends, working hard, and actively pursuing personal goals.
Mon Apr 8 2002 3:28pm
 
The Christmas Time Suicide Balloon
CONSUMER ALERT: Are our Christmas Time Suicide Balloons safe?
Fri Dec 14 2001 2:24pm
Nobody Came To My Winter Solstice Party
I'm not accusing anyone, just asking why and what gives.
Mon Nov 5 2001 9:49pm
Rhapsody In Yellow
Weather supercenter forecast: clear skies with light patches of severe thunderstorms.
Tue Oct 30 2001 10:00am
The Chinese Sticks
For my first trick, I must ask for nothing less than complete silence.
Mon Oct 22 2001 1:39am
There's A Girl I Like
Prayer thoughts for high school boys of dating age.
Mon Oct 22 2001 1:34am
 
Manage Your Web Dollars!
Understanding Cyberspace presents a rotating panel of tech leaders and industry professionals.
Mon Oct 22 2001 1:30am
Banana Peel Snarls Southbound Lanes
The first victim was a 21 year old perfume and fragrance retailer.
Mon Oct 22 2001 1:30am
You Sure Are Stupid
A collection of found photographs with accompanying poignant sentiment.
Mon Oct 22 2001 12:26am
Crashing and Burning
Yes! We have recommendations for you in tech support jokes, abortion gags, and toilet humor.
Sun Oct 21 2001 1:37am
The Javascript Doctor
I'm back, refreshed - and ready to tackle your questions! Won't you open your hearts and let me in?
Thu Oct 18 2001 11:22pm
 
 
WARNING: BONERS LOOSE IN THE FINANCIAL DISTRICT
I could survive by scrounging through the garbage like anyone else. I'd be an excellent homeless person. I wouldn't even need a stupid sign. People would fork over money just because I'm a girl.
Eventually I'd be able to buy NEW stuff, which I'd store in a house with a bigger rent and more expensive utilities. And then I'd kill myself and we could do this all over again.
This letter is over. I'm sad to report I feel no better. You, the audience at Helium Dreammakers Inc have failed to provide an adequately-sized canvas on which my thoughts and feelings can be projected comfortably.

I can offer no sassy, smartass conclusion. No point. No overview of the material previously laid forth. For what it's worth, I'm left only with the desire to fold these thoughts and feelings up into ten paper airplanes and sail them out my window.

There exists an unexplained compulsion inside me to demonstrate a further level of seasonal incompetence. One so ludicrous and inappropriate it can only be understood on a purely emotional level. When I figure that out, I promise to be in touch once again.
In the meanwhile:

Please find attached a completed order form for that other product, the Sit 'n Spin 'n Commit Suicide, along with a cashier's check for eighty-nine dollars.



Very Truly Yours,

None of your business.
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MY PAC MAN FEVER IS NOW OFFICIALLY FULL BLOWN PAC MAN AIDS
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