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Self Contained
Making friends, working hard, and actively pursuing personal goals.
Mon Apr 8 2002 3:28pm
The Christmas Time Suicide Balloon
CONSUMER ALERT: Are our Christmas Time Suicide Balloons safe?
Fri Dec 14 2001 2:24pm
Nobody Came To My Winter Solstice Party
I'm not accusing anyone, just asking why and what gives.
Mon Nov 5 2001 9:49pm
Rhapsody In Yellow
Weather supercenter forecast: clear skies with light patches of severe thunderstorms.
Tue Oct 30 2001 10:00am
The Chinese Sticks
For my first trick, I must ask for nothing less than complete silence.
Mon Oct 22 2001 1:39am
There's A Girl I Like
Prayer thoughts for high school boys of dating age.
Mon Oct 22 2001 1:34am
Manage Your Web Dollars!
Understanding Cyberspace presents a rotating panel of tech leaders and industry professionals.
Mon Oct 22 2001 1:30am
Banana Peel Snarls Southbound Lanes
The first victim was a 21 year old perfume and fragrance retailer.
Mon Oct 22 2001 1:30am
You Sure Are Stupid
A collection of found photographs with accompanying poignant sentiment.
Mon Oct 22 2001 12:26am
Crashing and Burning
Yes! We have recommendations for you in tech support jokes, abortion gags, and toilet humor.
Sun Oct 21 2001 1:37am
The Javascript Doctor
I'm back, refreshed - and ready to tackle your questions! Won't you open your hearts and let me in?
Thu Oct 18 2001 11:22pm
Eventually, I got gum on my shoe and gave up the search.

Christ, why do people have to chew gum? They stuff ten big huge pink pieces in their mouths at once and then chomp away like a chipmunk, only to splut it out on the sidewalk five minutes later. Disgusting.
Now I'm going to have sticky brown spots all over my clothes. People at work are going to notice I never do laundry.

I'll have to visit the bank and actually talk to someone in order to get a temporary ATM card.
My mind begins to reel with advance annoyance of the interrogation sure to follow.

No, I don't know where it is - No, I don't know what happened to it, etc. etc. SHUT UP. The people at the bank hate my voice on the phone and my face in person.
The only reason I still do business here is because it's the bank mom signed me up with when I was eight years old.

There's too much work involved with getting switched over elsewhere, and doing so would only fuck up my direct deposit.
Every time, they look at me like I'm about to rob the place. Can't they hire nice people? What are all my ATM fees paying for, anyway? They're like little PAPER CUTS. Why can't bank people just do their job?? Which is pretty much whatever I ask them to do??
It's all just so hard to deal with, isn't it?? And when I finally get up to the teller, she's going to ask for my driver's license, WHICH I DON'T HAVE EITHER.
If anyone finds my old ATM card, please don't use it.

The number is:

4217 4932 8504 9420

Expiration: 3/04

SuperCaliFragilIisticExpialiMedia specializes in branding partnerships.

Maybe if you pulled your head out of your ass just one inch, it would help you identify the crucial components of life and allow for some follow-through with the appropriate action.
I'm going to call my mom right now.
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